How to Choose the Right Partner? 

By Darine Ammache, Clinical Psychologist

Finding the ideal companion can present difficulties and intricacies, given the multitude of elements that influence a prosperous and satisfying connection. Below are several suggestions and strategies to aid in the selection of a suitable partner:

  1. Identify your own needs and preferences: Prior to selecting a partner, it holds significance to recognize your own requirements and inclinations when it comes to relationships:
  2. Reflect on past relationships: Reflect upon the aspects that were successful and unsuccessful in previous relationships. Contemplate the attributes that you valued in former partners and the attributes that posed difficulties for you.
  3. Consider your values: Contemplate the values that hold the utmost importance for you, such as honesty, trust, and respect. Ponder upon how these values can manifest and be upheld within a relationship.
  4. Pay attention to your emotions: Keep a close eye on your emotions when you are in a relationship or even when you envision being in one. Consider the factors that bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of support.
  5. Consider your communication style: Reflect on your communication patterns with others and your preferred style of communication. Contemplate the types of communication that hold the greatest significance for you in a relationship.
  6. Identify your deal-breakers: Consider the qualities or behaviors that are absolute requirements for you in a relationship. These may encompass aspects such as honesty, trustworthiness, or abstaining from substance abuse.
  7. Consider your long-term goals: Contemplate your long-term life goals as well as the goals you have for your relationship. Ponder how a partner can provide support and contribute to the achievement of these aspirations.

Personality Traits:

  • Openness: This characteristic indicates a person’s receptiveness to novel experiences, ideas, and viewpoints. Individuals with a high score in this trait often exhibit traits such as imagination, curiosity, and open-mindedness.
  • Conscientiousness: This attribute pertains to an individual’s inclination towards organization, responsibility, and dependability. Those who obtain high scores in this trait often exhibit qualities such as reliability, diligence, and a focus on achieving goals.
  • Extraversion: This characteristic relates to an individual’s inclination towards being organized, responsible, and dependable. People who score high in this trait often display qualities such as reliability, diligence, and a strong focus on achieving their goals.
  • Agreeableness: This attribute reflects an individual’s inclination towards cooperation, empathy, and consideration for others. Individuals who score high in this trait often exhibit qualities such as kindness, compassion, and a supportive nature.
  • Neuroticism: This trait reflects an individual’s propensity to experience negative emotions, including anxiety, sadness, and anger. Individuals who score high in this trait are often more susceptible to stress, worry, and fluctuations in mood.


Alternative models of personality may incorporate additional traits like honesty, humility, or risk-taking behavior, but the Big Five traits remain extensively studied and widely accepted. Personality traits have significant implications for behavior and relationships and can aid in comprehending individual differences in attitudes, motivations, and actions.

  1. Attachment style: Attachment styles can profoundly influence how individuals approach relationships and engage with their partners. It is advisable to seek partners who exhibit a secure attachment style and possess the capacity to express their emotions and needs in a healthy manner.
  2. Secure attachment: Individuals who possess a secure attachment style tend to experience ease with intimacy and can establish trusting, close relationships with others. They demonstrate effective communication of their needs and e motions, and they do not hesitate to seek support from others when necessary.
  3. Anxious-preoccupied attachment: Individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often experience preoccupation with the fear of being abandoned or rejected by their partners. They may display clingy behavior and become excessively reliant on their partners for emotional support and validation.
  4. Avoidant-dismissive attachment: Individuals with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style typically evade intimacy and emotional closeness in relationships. They tend to create emotional distance from their partners and may perceive the expression of emotions as a sign of vulnerability or weakness.
  5. Fearful-avoidant attachment: Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style undergo significant anxiety and ambivalence regarding their relationships. They may possess a desire for emotional closeness while simultaneously harboring fears of rejection or being hurt.

Attachment styles carry significant implications for the quality and stability of relationships. Individuals with a secure attachment style often enjoy more positive relationships, whereas those with an insecure attachment style may encounter challenges in terms of emotional intimacy and experience a higher frequency of relationship problems. Understanding one’s own attachment style, as well as the attachment styles of others, can be instrumental in cultivating healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Behavior color, and long-term goals:

 a-Green: Green is commonly linked to analytical thinking, innovation, and creativity. Individuals with a green personality often display traits of curiosity and intelligence, and they tend to find enjoyment in exploring new ideas and concepts.

b-Blue: Blue is frequently associated with emotional intelligence, empathy, and compassion. Individuals with a blue personality often exhibit traits of sensitivity and care, and they possess a strong inclination to establish emotional connections with others.

c-Yellow: Yellow is commonly linked to positivity, optimism, and enthusiasm. Individuals with a yellow personality often display traits of being outgoing and energetic, and they possess a natural ability to inspire and motivate others.

d-Red: Red is frequently associated with assertiveness, confidence, and leadership. Individuals with a red personality often exhibit traits of ambition and goal-orientation, and they possess a strong inclination to take charge and drive outcomes.

It is important to acknowledge that these color associations are not rooted in scientific evidence and can vary depending on the specific model or context in which they are employed. Moreover, people’s personalities are intricate and multifaceted, and cannot be adequately captured by a single color or trait alone.

Look for shared values and interests: Partners who possess shared values and interests are more likely to establish a solid foundation for a long-term relationship. It is advisable to seek partners who align with your passions and priorities to foster compatibility and enhance the potential for a fulfilling partnership.

Pay attention to communication styles: Enhancing communication is a vital aspect of cultivating a successful relationship. It is advantageous to seek partners who exhibit open and respectful communication and demonstrate a willingness to work through conflicts and challenges collaboratively. Here are some tips to improve communication within a relationship:

  1. Practice active listening: Active listening entails dedicating your full attention to your partner when they are speaking and making a genuine effort to understand their perspective. By practicing active listening, you foster effective communication and demonstrate respect for your partner’s thoughts and feelings.
  2. Use “I” statements: Use “I” statements to express your own thoughts and emotions instead of resorting to blame or criticism towards your partner. For instance, rather than saying “you always do this,” try phrasing it as “I feel hurt when this happens.” This approach promotes open and constructive communication while acknowledging and taking responsibility for your own feelings.
  3. Avoid criticism and defensiveness: Engaging in criticism and defensiveness within a relationship can foster a cycle of negativity and resentment. By adopting a cooperative and constructive approach, you can foster a healthier and more harmonious relationship dynamic.
  4. Show empathy: Empathy entails placing yourself in your partner’s position and trying to comprehend their viewpoint. By actively empathizing with your partner, you demonstrate care and consideration, promoting a deeper connection and fostering emotional intimacy.
  5. Take a break when needed: If a conversation becomes excessively heated or emotionally charged, it can be beneficial to take a break and revisit the discussion once both partners have had the opportunity to calm down and reflect.
  6. Effective communication is a continuous process that requires dedication and effort to establish a robust foundation of trust and understanding in a relationship. By consistently practicing active listening, utilizing “I” statements, refraining from criticism and defensiveness, demonstrating empathy, and recognizing the importance of taking breaks when necessary, couples can enhance their communication skills and cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship.
  7. Take your time: Rushing into a relationship can result in misaligned expectations and subsequent disappointment. It is important to invest time in getting to know potential partners and gradually build a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect. By taking your time, you increase the likelihood of developing a healthier and more fulfilling connection.
  8. Seek input from trusted friends and family: Trusted friends and family members can offer valuable insights and perspectives when it comes to potential partners. It can be beneficial to seek their input and advice as you navigate the dating process. Outsiders often provide a subjective point of view, as they observe the relationship from a different vantage point than the individuals involved. Their input can provide valuable guidance and help you make more informed decisions.

It is crucial to recognize that selecting a partner is a personal and subjective decision. What may be effective for one individual may not necessarily be the same for another. By investing time in understanding your own needs and preferences and by fostering a solid foundation of trust and communication with potential partners, you can enhance the chances of finding a compatible and enduring partner.

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